Doubts and Mum Guilt
Seriously, do any of “us” (aka mums, dads…any parents!) actually feel confident that we know what we’re doing? It can’t just be me feeling pretty clueless a lot of the time (hopefully!). I’m hoping it’s just that the other mums that I know don’t talk about the difficult side of parenting that much and that we do actually all feel the same in the first few months.
The biggest thing making me feel confused and like an inadequate parent at the moment is not knowing why Hudson is upset/crying. Up until 2-3 weeks ago his crying was almost exclusively because he wanted boob/milk. This has definitely changed recently as he goes longer between feeds now. Our evenings aren’t spent cluster feeding from 6-11 anymore which is lovely as it means Sam now has lots of time with Hudson when he gets back from work. But we are going through a “phase” of Hudson being really fussy and crying lots when I take him up to bed no matter what time I try to get him to sleep! He will latch on but is very unsettled and completely refuses to feed lying next to me for the first in-bed feed which is slightly frustrating as that was a sure fire way to get him to sleep. Now I have to sit up to feed him and risk lying him down mid-feed…that hasn’t gone well so far, oops! I feel terrible about getting a bit frustrated at the current bedtime situation as Hudson can’t help it, he’s obviously not happy about something (my current guess is that he is tired but is fighting going to sleep as if I just sit with him for a bit he does finally settle down and feed them sleep!). So now I am trying to remain calm and hoping that he’ll sleep a bit better again soon as we’ve also lost his initial three-hour block of sleep on a night and I’m feeling pretty tired now!
My mum suggested that I might be going through an adjustment period to Hudson not needing only me every time he cries and him being a bit more independent and happy to sit in his chair for a while watching me getting on with stuff like cooking. I think she hit the nail on the head with that one!
I am determined to be as honest as possible when talking about parenting with other mums as I know that’s what I have found helpful when other mums and dads have been open with me about the tricky times.
As the name of my blog suggests, I do have a tendency to overthink some things(!). I have been asking questions about Hudson’s sleep/nighttime disturbances on one of the parenting Facebook groups I am part of and others’ advice has been helpful but it has also raised even more questions as everyone has different ways of parenting. Thanks to Sam’s new calm outlook on things I too am trying to not think too much about it all and just go with the flow and comfort Hudson when he is upset. He is also coming up to/has started his third Wonder Weeks developmental leap so this could account for him being a bit off colour at the moment.
Making new mum friends
Two of the groups I have been going to have been great as it’s nice to talk to other mums who are going through the same things at the same time as me. My local Children’s Centre ran a baby massage course and all of the babies were around the same age so we were all going through similar situations each week which made me realise everything going on was “normal”. We have now made a Facebook group so we can all keep in touch and go to other groups and classes together so that’s a lovely outcome of attending the group, as well as Hudson really enjoying having a massage.
The other group is the Hull and East Riding Home Birth Group that Sam and I attended whilst I was pregnant. I went to another of of their meet-ups this week and it was nice being able to talk about my home birth experience with other soon-to-be first-time home birth mums. I had forgotten how amazing the whole experience was until I spoke about it again. Genuinely, I would love to give birth again as it was so incredible and I think I am lucky to have had such a positive experience.