Ok, ok, it’s been a while again since my last post. I actually have a draft, half-written post from the 4th November sat there. Predictably it’s about sleep…or lack thereof! I’m glad I didn’t have time to finish or publish it really as now I do have some slightly more positive and exciting stuff to report!

(Just to clarify, though, his sleep is still up and down but I am currently sat downstairs at 8:06pm, after getting him to sleep fairly easily, enjoying a Nutella hot chocolate whilst watching Mastserchef: The Professionals so tonight is a good night!)  
He does seem to have a pretty good excuse for some very disturbed nights of sleep over the last few weeks this time. In the space of a week he suddenly learned to crawl forwards on the 11th November (yes, I am documenting all of his “firsts” in as much detail as possible!), started pulling himself up with a little help and got two top teeth through! Just two weeks later he is now crawling really quickly, mostly after me like a little shadow, pulling himself up on anything he is near (he much prefers standing up than sitting down now so it looks like he may be an early walker) and has four top teeth. He certainly has had a busy time developmentally. 

Our toughest week yet

What can I say about last week other than “horrible”. To start with both Sam and I got a sickness bug one night, urgh. Luckily he wasn’t ill whilst I was having to dash off mid-feed then I was better by the time Sam got ill so we could take it in turns looking after Hudson at least. Plus Hudson didn’t seem to get it which was an added bonus. That was two Saturdays ago. On the Sunday Sam’s back completely went, he has had surgery on his lower discs previously and unfortunately his new job involved sitting down all day which seemed to excarerbate the issue. He could barely stand due to the pain so we phoned 111 who ended up getting him an ambulance to A&E as they feared his spinal cord was being crushed. I felt terrible but Hudson and I stayed at home whilst our fantastic friend Scott went with Sam. Not only had I just been ill but a hospital isn’t a great place for a baby to be for hours on end. After all of that, however, they ended up discharging him instead of giving him any treatment! What a waste of an ambulance trip and a day. We’re currently waiting on an MRI referral through our GP…

If all of that wasn’t bad enough, Sam’s new job then let him go last Monday after he had called in sick the previous week due to his back pain. They claim it’s because he “wasn’t suited to the role” but he had only had good feedback so they clearly weren’t happy with him having back problems, didn’t want to get him any new equipment to help with it and could easily get rid of him as he was in his probationary period. We’re trying not to get too down or stressed about it and are concentrating on getting his back better first before he gets a new job. Obviously a company that’ll treat him like that is best to be out of anyway. It’s just such a shame after the role sounded so promising and especially after the horrible situation that forced him to leave his previous role.

Back to Hudson’s role in our terrible week and cue him crying almost non-stop all day on Monday. Seriously. No exaggeration. It was truly awful and pretty heartbreaking. I went to my mum’s with him to make a start on a homemade advent calendar for him but he was that upset and wouldn’t event contemplate being held by or even being near anyone but me that I didn’t get any of it done until 4pm. As it was then so late and he’d been so upset I couldn’t face trying to get him home in the dark so we stayed over. The general most-of-the-day-upset continued through Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Finally our little full-of-beans boy was back smiling on Friday. I’m ashamed to admit that my intentions to be a gentle parent were severely tested and stretched to breaking point during those four days. I really really struggled to stay calm when he just wanted me constantly. I feel horrible all over again just putting that in writing. The thing is he was still upset on and off even when I was with him or holding him but not beside himself like when Sam tried. Sam, my mum and sister helped to make me see that I just had to take a step back and just let Hudson have me for those days and not to worry about doing anything else or “getting stuff done”. I know that is the sensible and “gentle” or “mindful” way of looking at it as he obviously needed me last week, I’m guessing it was down to the Wonder Weeks’ Leap 6 and all the development he’s going through, and everything else can wait. It has certainly been the toughest part of being a mum yet, especially when he had become a little bit more independent recently in terms of being happy to sit and play and amuse himself a bit more. 

Some me time

Whilst Sam is off I’m fully intending on getting a little bit more time to myself whilst he looks after Hudson. Not only do I deserve it(!) but I also think Sam hasn’t had a lot of time one-on-one time with Hudson. This is partially due to his nervousness, which wasn’t helped by Hudson being such a  boob monster for this first 4-5 months, and I think I got used to being the one to comfort him. Now Hudson is feeding much less during the day I thought this was the perfect opportunity to start leaving him with Sam a bit more. 

Last night I hopped in the bath after Sam for a quick 10-15 minute chillout whilst he played with Hudson downstairs. I was just lying back with my ears under the water as I topped up the hot water and was just thinking how quiet and peaceful it was when I suddenly saw someone looming in the bathroom door behind me. So I screamed at the top of my lungs right in Sam and Hudson’s faces! I hadn’t heard him knock or come in! Needless to say my lovely relaxed state was suddenly gone.

Today I sent Sam to Rhyme Time at the library with Hudson so I could get on with some more work on the advent calendar. It’s a nice 30-minute session of songs and stories that Hudson enjoys and, I thought, a gentle introduction to taking him out alone after simply taking him for walks before. They both had a nice time and I fed Hudson to sleep when they got back which gave me even more time to finish making my Fimo decorations, yay! 

I’m hoping to try and pop out a bit more without Hudson (I even went to Tesco today without him – the rock ‘n’ roll antics of a new mum!) and leaving him with Sam or my mum so that I start dreading the idea of him possibly going into childcare next year a little less. I’d love to avoid doing so until he is older but the logistics of my mum looking after him aren’t that easy unfortunately.